I’ve had a few x rays in my life but my colonoscopy is the one I’ll always remember.
I had to go in for ‘investigative surgery’
Dreading it I was. I had to drink litres of fluid to ‘clean myself out’ the day before.
If that wasn’t bad enough, when I got there the nurse said that they weren’t knocking me out first.
” Ah no way” I said ”I want to be oblivious to everything, just wake me up when you’re finished”. ”You’ll be fine” she said. ”You won’t remember a thing after your injection”
”The doctor will give you some anaesthesia, but you will still be conscious”
”Ah, I can’t stand Anastacia” I said… ”Can I not have a bit of Perry Como instead? I love Perry Como”
She was not amused.
I had to lie on my side on the operating table with a TV screen in front of me.
”I didn’t know I was allowed watch telly during the op” I said to the doctor. ”Have you got sky movies or the discovery channel?”
‘’This screen is connected to the little camera so you watch what’s happening through the procedure’ ‘ he said.
‘‘Discovery channel it is then!’’ I replied 🙂
I must have dozed off ’cause when I woke up they were filming ‘down below’.
There were my insides in front of me in full Technicolor. Isn’t technology great all the same?
‘’We must be careful’’ I heard the doctor say to the nurse. ‘’There’s a small chance of perforation’’.
I felt like a feckin’ teabag.
I watched the screen as he snipped off a polyp. A polypectomy it’s called. Sounds like something my budgie might have. You learn something new every day don’t you?
I didn’t feel a thing though. The doctor said the colon doesn’t feel pain…who knew?
Why can’t your head be like that? Imagine no hangover of a Sunday morning!
Anyway, I got my results.
Two polyps and a hiatus hernia…
Sounds like a movie I saw once with Hugh Grant.
I just hope there isn’t a sequel.